This sketch was presented by Patrick Stora, a French obstetrician/gynaecologist and vice-president of AFAR <http://afar.info>, during the roundtable on maternity services in the 2nd "Journée de la Petite Enfance", Paris, 16 May 2004. It is a compilation of real words exchanged in the medical pratice rooms of French gynaecologists.
Full report on this event: <http://naissance.ws/events/16-mai-04/>
Dr.: hello madam, may I help you?
Ms.: good morning, doctor,. Well, I believe I am pregnant...
Dr.: fine, let's have a look at it. When did you last have periods?
Ms.: the first day was April 1st. I do remember it well since I have a regular cycle.
Dr.: so you are likely to be pregnant since April 15. Let us check it on the ultrasound screening... Well, the screening says that you got pregnant on April 12.
Ms.: but my husband was out of the country and he came back on the 14th!
Dr.: sorry, madam, the ultrasound says April 12. OK, we'll now fill the papers for pregnancy declaration, do the laboratory checks, and you will come back every month for a medical check-up. You will have another ultrasound screening on June 25 for the detection of trisomy, and a blood test between June 12 and July 7 for the same check.
Ms.: well, doctor, is it worth it? I was told that these tests are not so reliable.
Dr.: it is better for you. At least you have been warned and I am covered. Besides, amniocentesis is responsible for only 0.5% miscarriages. It is better to have a miscarriage -- you will forget it quicker -- than have a Down's syndrome child that will remain a burden for the rest of your life. Then, on 4 September you will have the morphological ultrasound screening by our recommended sonographer. It will cost you 50 euros, not refundable from Social Security -- you know what it is, the cost of insurance, and all this litigation! Once you are 8 month pregnant you will take an appointment with the anaesthetist for the epidural.
Ms.: well, doctor, I am not sure I want an epidural...
Dr.: suffering in the 21st century, it's not serious madam... Anyway, you must decide now, or at the latest the morning you come to deliver your baby. We'll fix the date on January 2.
Ms.: you mean induction, doctor?
Dr.: you may call it that... Let us say that we will avoid any surprise. You will enjoy the end of year festivals with your family, then our whole team will be ready to take care of you, and you will have your baby before the evening. Fantastic, isn't it? Oh, I forgot: you may also attend the delivery preparation course with midwives, they will like it. Between you and me, I think it is of no use since the epidural will remove pain, which is the essential. Moreover it is not necessary that you learn how to push, since you will have forceps, plus an episiotomy to prevent incontinence. Are you allergic to antibiotics, madam?
Ms.: no, doctor, but why?
Dr.: we will also induce the placenta extraction, which will avoid us to wait and perhaps face a haemorrhage. For this antibiotics will be required.
Ms.: thanks, doctor. Incidently, what do you think about haptonomy?? (a practical way of developing a sensorially-effective connection between the baby, mother and father, by placing hands on the mother's belly).
Dr.: hapto-what? I tell you, madam, this place is of high repute, so you should only read serious books, such as Laurence Pernoud, if you like it, or, better, listen only to my advice!
Ms.: what about breastfeeding?
Dr.: well, it has become a little bit fashionable these days... You will talk about it with the midwife. After all, these are women things. Good bye, madam.